Teaching While Queer: Monseiur Steve

Teaching While Queer with Monsieur Steve

Intro: [00:00:00] Teaching While Queer is a podcast for LGBTQIA + teachers, administrators, and well anyone who works in academia to share their stories. Hi, my name is Bryan Stanton, a queer theater educator in San Antonio, Texas. Each week I bring you stories from around the world centered on the experiences of LGBTQIA+, folks in academia. Thank you for joining me on this journey and enjoy Teaching While Queer.

Host: Hello everyone and welcome back to Teaching While Queer. We hope that you enjoyed your winter break. We are back with new episodes and today I have the pleasure to speak with Toronto-based teacher, Monsieur steve, hello. 

Steve: Thank you so much for having me. 

Host: It is my pleasure. So tell me a little bit about you. What do you teach? 

Steve: I am a grade two three French [00:01:00] immersion teacher here in Toronto for those who don't know what French immersion is, it means that I am a classroom homeroom teacher. I teach everything just so happens to be, it's all in French. 

Host: That's super cool. We do have, my daughter is in a Spanish immersion program here in San Antonio, so she gets the joy of getting the same kind of curriculum done, but in Spanish.

Steve: Ah, I guess that makes sense. That it would be Spanish. 

Host: Yeah.

Steve: Closer to the, on that side border. All right but in addition, but I was gonna say, in addition to being a classroom teacher, I'm also a teacher on the worldwide web as I have a YouTube channel absolutely named Monsieur Steve, where I kind of do my shtick, put in a video format.

Host: I love that. I've actually seen quite a few of your videos. That's actually how we connected on social media. 

Steve: It sure is. 

Host: Yeah. And so you've got a lot of great stuff there and I would love to be able to spotlight that later on in our episode, but let's take a journey kind of back in [00:02:00] time, if you will. Can you tell me a little bit about what life was like for you as you were coming to terms with who you are as a young person? 

Steve: Ugh, do we have to? 

Host: I know that's the rough, hard hitting questions here. 

Steve: I wanna go with the word traumatic on that one my upbringing was anything but normal. I knew I was different from a very young age. I think I realized that difference was pretty pronounced around five years old. I mean, I didn't really come to terms with it and really fully embrace and accept it until I was about 16, but I knew I was different and I struggled very much so with that as I grew up in a fairly religious house. And I know that's not an uncommon sort of roadblock for queer youth to overcome, but it's one that I had to endure. And in addition to that, I was forced to go to Catholic school and, it [00:03:00] was not easy when you have very opposing viewpoints from your own sort of being force fed, which clouded my ability to sort of see myself for who I was and to love myself, consequently, so it was quite the tumultuous upbringing and, journey to self-discovery. But, I really fell in love and embraced who I was with the help of friends that I made in the rain scene back in the nineties. I'm dating myself, oh gosh.

Host: I could just see the colorful bracelets and nexus and pants right now. 

Steve: Yeah, I mean I kind of still dressed with that sort of color scheme in mind, but, no it wasn't an easy road but I mean that journey brought me to where I am today and it's one of the biggest sort of proponents for my being an educator today, was to get in there and help youth who need [00:04:00] that guidance, who need that role model cause.

Definitely shouldn't get that in my upbringing, and certainly not in my education. In fact, I got the opposite. I would get told that, you know being gays is sin and that's the kind of thing you should suppress. and definitely not the kind of stuff that we tell our students these days.

Host: Right. Agreed. I had the similar upbringing in the sense of the timeframe. I am lucky in that my parents, while they may have had religion in their hearts, did not have religion in our household. My mom still says that she is Catholic and abides by beliefs that happened within the Catholic church, but we never had it as children, like my brothers and I were never really exposed to the church.

So I think that made my journey much, much easier than those at the time because it's. doubly hard when we're coming off of the back of the AIDS pandemic .

Steve: yep, yep, 

Host: You're gonna die or burn in hell [00:05:00] or both. 

Steve: So listen, I have absolutely no issue with religion so long as it doesn't impact anybody negatively and makes someone else feel like who they are as a person is unacceptable.

That's where I draw a line and say, "okay, well that's not cool." I actually. Tried to get out of being in that Catholic school. Cause I was bullied, I was picked on. It was absolute torture going to that school. So, I was actually a bass player and there's a school next door to mine that was called ESA absolutely named by my fellow students at the Catholic school I went to as ES-Gay because anybody who was an art student was obviously gay. So I filled the application out and I did my in-person performance and I got accepted. So I signed the documents on behalf of my parents and I got into the school, which was a big deal cuz they don't accept a lot of people.

And my plans were foiled when they called [00:06:00] home. My parents were like, "what? Absolutely not. He is not going to that school." And I was forced to continue my torture at that other school where kids would say things such sweet, sweet things like, "I hope you die.", "I hope you kill yourself." It was really nice going to school and having that kind of experience, really makes you feel welcomed.

Host: Yep. I think it's so interesting too, because now those things are like actual crimes. Like if a child says that to another child right now, it's an actual crime. So in some ways we've come a very long way, in a good direction at least as far as working towards keeping people safe in educational environments.

Steve: Sure. And that's great. I mean, that's kind of why we're here, right? We're doing this, we're sharing our stories so that kids don't end up where we were. 

Host: Yep. Absolutely. How do you think that your experience as a queer youth has informed you as a teacher? Like what do you take from your past that you hold dear to [00:07:00] bring to your students?

Steve: Yeah. Wow. That's a loaded question cuz there's so many things that I bring with me. Number one is listening. Listening to my kids, listening to them when they speak because people just didn't listen to me like no one really cared. It was like my way or the highway sort of situation. No one was like, "oh. Why do you feel this way? Or why do you think you feel this way?" Like there was none of those kinds of questions. So number one is being there for the kids and listening and I create the safest space I possibly can by reminding the kids that A, it's okay to not know who you are yet to just roll with it. Just learning to love yourself. Being comfortable enough to make mistakes, take risks, challenge yourself in a way that positive. we were, I mean, it still happens, but like, the pressure to do well and without ridicule was so hard back then you'd succumb to it [00:08:00] and even teachers would pressure you to the point where I had teachers who if you made a mistake, they'd call you out in front of the entire class. So like every negative experience I had in a classroom shaped who I am as a teacher, because I think back to all those things that happened and I'm like, all right, well I know how to do this, just don't do any of the things my former teachers did. And that's been what I do, right? And I use those awful experiences as teachable moments.

So if a kid has, I don't know, something happens in the classroom, they feel ashamed or they feel sad about it. I will dig deep into that sack of life and pull in a memory and share it with them and in an age appropriate way, obviously, depending on what the story is. And then that sort of normalizes A) what they're feeling and it B) it gives them a transparency into my life that helps us connect.

And I feel like honestly, in my 12 years of teaching, again, dating myself, I have had 12 phenomenal groups of students who I've [00:09:00] bonded with in a way that I still feel connected to them. Like I'll run into students here and there and it's brilliant to see that they still care and reach out. Even on Instagram, I'll have, you know, students be like," oh my God, it's Monsieur Steve. I'm even an adult now, which is terrifying, but. It's cool. 

Host: It really is. I've had that experience recently. I have a former student who is looking for jobs as a teacher for next school year, and I was like, "wait, you're done, you're done with college?" Like, what, what , when did that happen? 

Steve: So trippy, right?

Host: You are an adult now. It's wild. So I wanted to talk a little bit about your age group. You're working with second and third grade immersion. 

Steve: I sure is. 

Host: Yeah. And that is, it's a hot topic, age group, because especially in America, I know your laws aren't, um, well, I'm not seeing international headlines that indicate that [00:10:00] people on the conservative side are being as radical in Canada as they are in America.

And we are dealing with issues of like, when's it even appropriate to say the word gay? And for some reason, like second and third grade has become that kind of battleground of appropriateness. So I was wondering, because you're one of the few elementary teachers I've had on this program, like how do you handle sensitive topics in your classroom if they come up?

Steve: But like for us here, It's just a normal vocabulary word, like it's in the curriculum for us to teach about different kinds of families, and we're encouraged to do so. Like my school board has posters that say "positive space for our shared areas," in the primary and kindergarten areas.

So we're actually mandated to discuss those. Do we have people who push back? Absolutely. But when they push [00:11:00] back, it comes from a place of, I don't wanna say I say ignorance, but not in a judgmental way, just they lack the knowledge to understand what it is we're actually doing in our classes. When we talk about these different kinds of families, and we use the word gay, cuz you'll have pushback from parents who say, "I don't want you teaching my kids about sex." Listen, that is a fair thing too. And I as a teacher, do not want to talk to your grade two, three students about sex. I am talking to your grade two, three student, your child about love in families, and caring and loving yourself. That's the difference. We're presenting facts. It is a fact that you can have two men and a kitty cat as a family.

It's mine. It's real. It exists. It's empirical evidence. I'm sharing you can have a blended family. That a child can have two moms and two dads could have a mom and two dads. There are so many varieties of families, and those kids are in our [00:12:00] classrooms. So if you neglect to show them a window into their lives vis-a-vis books, posters, anecdotal stories, then you're denying them access to their own lives reflected back at them. So I think here in Canada, I can't speak for everybody, but I do feel like we are more at liberty to do the right thing, which is to teach the truth I know I see headlines from the states and I get really upset because some of the things that are proposed are just outlandish, like books that are being banned and the attacks on the queer community, like drag queens reading story. Like, I think it's great. I love it. But there's definitely pushback on that and it becomes a dangerous thing to be doing. Like, how is that more dangerous than taking kids to on a hunting trip? I have a hard time wrapping my head around [00:13:00] how some people can accept some things are truly dangerous and others that could actually broaden and have a child open up and become more accepting and loving. So it, boils down to us being very lucky and very blessed that in Canada we do have support in the legislation and rules that allow me to teach about those topics without having to worry about," oh gosh, is this parenting to come after me?"

I mean, it's always there in the back of my head. Cause you never know how a family will perceive what their child comes home and says, cause kids can also take what you say out of context or misconstrue or full on lie about what you said if they want to. I mean, I've never had that experience, but I know other people who have. So I don't know. I feel supported and able to talk about those things. I've never had issues. I've never even had pushback from a student, let alone the [00:14:00] family. Actually I had pushback once from a student when they were in grade one. Cause my second year teaching and I was doing one of my lessons I think it was about having two dads and the student's face was like, what?

He's like, "no, you can't." And I was like, "what do you mean?" He's like, "you can't have two men together." It's always embedded and I'll never forget that. And his face was so like, I don't understand, does not compute. What are you telling me? And he got a bit upset, but later on he, he understood that I wasn't doing anything but explaining that that does exist.

I wasn't trying to tell him that it exists in your family. It exists in other families. So again, very lucky, very blessed. But I feel for every teacher who is torn between doing what they know and feel is right in their heart and having to choose silence for safety and security reasons. It's a situation I hope I would never be in.

Host: I think it's wild that we're [00:15:00] neighboring and yet there's such a huge disconnect between, I guess, values. Because I think about right now there are folks that are trying to mandate that we cannot speak about LGBTQ inclusive education. It does not exist really in the States. I'm assuming as a 12 year veteran teacher that you were around when that legislation, when the mandates started coming in, or was it before you began?

Steve: I feel like it was before I began teaching. 

Host: So your whole teaching experience, you've been able to have an inclusive curriculum that allows you to talk about everyone. 

Steve: Yeah. Yeah.

Host: That's wild. Wild. 

Steve: Yeah. We, like, at my school, I organize a flag raising ceremony, and my first year teaching I was part of what we called a Power of Words Week, which was an anti-bullying, anti homophobia assembly that we had for the [00:16:00] kids. It was an entire week of celebrating our differences and celebrating love of all forms. So, yeah, no, this has been part of my life since I became a teacher. I do recall when I first started, I was still like, "I don't know, what can I share? Like what's safe, what's considered like appropriate?

So I did ease into it. Like when I say ease into it, like lessons on those topics and it's still, yes, it was, it was something people were really able to discuss with their students. I just didn't know what was appropriate for every grade level. So I kept certain parts of my personal life private, like I never shared about my partner.

And I just kept that stuff to myself. Now she's out and she's proud. Mm-hmm. There's no secrets with the parent community, everyone. Who I am. I mean, I guess now cause of my YouTube channel and being on to news and stuff they know who I am but, yeah, I don't have to hide any parts of my life and it feels so wonderful to just [00:17:00] be really unabashedly, 100% me, Monsieur Steve. 

Host: That's awesome. I feel like that is a huge battle, especially for those in the LGBTQ community because there's such this stigma in the US right now about even just being a part of the community. You're problematic. I was just listening to a podcast of a gentleman in Kentucky who was like, I can't even identify, like if I would've identified I would've been excommunicated from the church or banished or whatever the situation is. And that's such a reality even now in 2023. It's like horror stories I heard in the nineties. 

Steve: Oh yeah. Oh gosh. The nineties were terrible. And even teachers here, you'd be ridiculed and made for speaking your truth, which is, you know, ridiculous. So we have come a long way, at least here in Canada, but I mean, don't get me wrong, [00:18:00] we still have our fair share of those who would love to see any mention of the LGBTQ, two Spirit plus community wiped out from the curriculum, right.

So we have those people here too, right? It's not just a US problem, it's a worldwide problem. 

Host: Sure. 

Steve: We just happen to have the right people who have been in power, who have made decisions to protect our ability, to share our truths and the reality of queer people living amongst us. You can't just under rug swept everything. Like, I don't understand what all these bannings and like banning the word gay. What are you achieving by holding that word from the ears of grade two, grade three kids? Because in doing that, you might have students in your school who are saying, "oh, my family isn't okay. [00:19:00] Cause we're not allowed to talk about my family. But you know, Joe's family, his mom and dad, they can talk about that kind of family. No problem."

So you're sending the wrong message to these kids, like you're saying that their families aren't like real. 

Host: Right. 

Steve: By saying that we don't want you talking about Gay, that you're trying to wipe out an entire existence. Like that's what I hear when you say that. Don't say gay. Don't say gay bill made me so upset because, no, we're gonna say gay, because gay people exist. Gay parents exist and they have kids, and those kids go to school. And if you're saying that's a word that has to be stricken from the records at school, you're sending a horrible message to those kids.

Host: I agree. That's actually one of my concerns. There's currently, I think, three anti- LGBTQ+ bills in the Texas legislature. So [00:20:00] that's where I'm from or where I am hailing at now and that's one of my concerns is that my children, my personal children will be silenced because they're not allowed to speak their truth, because their truth is connected to my truth.

And I think , it's wild to think that people believe that their opinions are more powerful than the truth that's out there. You mentioned, I'm just teaching facts. I'm teaching that you can have a relationship between two men. You can have a relationship between a man and a woman. You can have a relationship this way and that. And it's just a fact. And so many people are trying to contest due to their opinions. 

Steve: Yeah, that's hundred percent the root cause of this problem is that people's opinions are trying to be pushed through as facts. Well our facts are trying to be pushed out completely. [00:21:00] Make it make sense. 

Host: I can't, , it is something that I find mind boggling every day and every day I see a new headline that I'm like," are you serious right now?"

Steve: Yeah and support you guys down there by making reels about it and spreading the word, but ultimately it's in the hands of the politicians down there, and it boils down to voting for the right politician. Correct me if I'm wrong, your political system down there is an enigma wrapped in an enigma. I don't understand it at all. And your voting process is so complicated, but I still do believe that it boils down to voting for the right person, right? And getting out there and voting.

Host: Getting out there and voting is the most important part. I mean the turnout for elections is ridiculous, but there's also quite a bit of political gerrymandering and voter suppression that is happening in areas that's making it incredibly difficult. And so [00:22:00] it's hard. The system honestly needs to be redone. Relying on something that's not even 300 years old, like the City of San Antonio is older than the United States, as well as, several other cities in this country and are steeped in traditions that are beyond the traditions of this country even. And we are relying on some guys who didn't have the technology we have that didn't have the access that we have, that didn't have a way of communicating in the mass like we have. And we're saying that," you know, what they said when is fine." They had to send a guy on a horse to a bunch of cities to communicate that a war was happening, , and we're supposed to equate it to living life with the internet.

Steve: Yeah. I think things have changed. So I don't see the harm and updating systems that seem to be on the outdated side. Right. But I mean, [00:23:00] if you can't get that in vote and you can't make change, , I understand, but if you're able to vote, go and vote. I hate hearing people say, "well, my vote's not gonna make a difference." you don't actually know that. Like what if in the results, the person you voted for lost out by a hundred and there's a hundred people out there who go, "oh man, if only I voted right?" Like, your vote can actually make a difference. We can make change. The system exists for a reason. Yeah, it's set up in a way that makes failure very easy. I think we can and we should insight change, and that change really isn't going to happen until people get out and voice their opinions through voting. 

Host: I agree. I'm looking at things like this week in the headlines in France, there were protests like all over the country because all they were trying to change the year of retirement, push it back two years, [00:24:00] and the whole country was in an uproar. And I was like, that's how people make their voice heard. Like yeah, we need that kind of energy right now in lots of areas to help make some progress happen. 

Steve: But we also gotta focus on, you know, things that are helping make change. Look one of the things that I love so much in the US is the TV show "We're Here". I dunno if you've watched it, it's masterpiece. And just seeing that window into those small towns in the south is so eye-opening. It's terrifying. Cause you see how difficult it must be being a queer person or anyone who doesn't fit the norm down there, and how brave you must be to fight for those rights, like to fight for visibility.

And I just love that show because it's opening the eyes of so many to what it means to be a part of our community. And there's so [00:25:00] much misinformation about our lives as a lifestyle, as being, you know, pretty sex fueled. And it's just that's not who we are. It's not what our community is. It's so much more than that. It is a loving, fun-loving community that embraces those on the fringes, on the outskirts. And it's all about love and peace and unity. And it's so hard when you hear and see people just hate on us in drag queens and they just don't get it. I'm like, how can you have a problem with love?

Like How is our love for someone of the same sex or someone who, anyone who's different from the norm, how does that impact you negatively? Like what's it doing that's got you go, "I don't get it." 

Host: I don't get it either. I think it's hard also because [00:26:00] many of the folks who are in an outrage will also preach love , you know? And so the contradictory of behavior, the hypocrisy of it kind of drives me crazy. 

Steve: Yeah, I feel you. But we have to just hold on for hope and I see these kids every day and I see the love in their hearts. And that light hasn't gone out yet. Like they're all show, they still show affection. Like the boys show affection to each other. The girls show affection to each other and hasn't been like hammered out of them yet. I know you know what I'm talking about cuz like all little kids like just love unabashedly. There's no judgment. It's not, "oh, he's a boy. Oh, she's a girl." But when they get to a certain age, It gets hammered out by what they see in the media, all the critiques and the criticisms and the judgements they get from the world around them. And then they're taught, well, I'm a boy I can't show affection to my other friend who's a boy. I [00:27:00] can't wear nail polish. I can't. I hate it. But we're moving away from that, which is great. Like you see longer and longer, the kids are sticking to it or even deciding that that's not who I am.

But you still see those who revert and completely push away from that. And if that's what they want and that's what makes them happy, totally cool. But if it's someone who wants to embrace that side of themselves, but is afraid to because society says they can't. Breaks my heart.

Host: I agree. , I watch my kids kind of change, right? I have three teenagers and I have an eight year old and she is at the stage where pretty soon I'm gonna start seeing the societal impacts. 

Steve: Yeah. It's inevitable. It really is. 

Host: So I wanted to shift gears a little bit in the last , few minutes to talk a little bit about your kind of global education, your YouTube channel, what's happening on your YouTube channel?

Steve: Sure.[00:28:00] Well, I'll give you a little quick write on how it started. So it was birthed out of the pandemic. I knew I had to do something to help out and I decided to come up with videos. I didn't know what I was doing. Like, I literally filmed in portrait mode and not landscape. Like, I didn't know how to make YouTube videos, and that lasted for a while. But after a whole bunch of time, I did tutorials and spent my whole summer figuring it. , I decided to put a lot of time and effort into it, and because of the pandemic, a lot of kids were being taught at home and resources were scarce, so these videos were a way for teachers to access things that they couldn't do on their own.

 It's hard to teach topics. It's hard to teach without all the tools that we had in at school if we were stuck at home. But I also saw a gap in terms of quality videos that engage kids on a fun level cause learning French could be a little bit dry depending on the teacher, and that's fine.

Everyone has a different [00:29:00] teaching sound, but no judgment. I'm gonna just spice things. And spiced things up I did and my YouTube channel did pretty well. It ended up being used across classrooms in Canada all over from coast to coast. And even places in the States, I'd have like teachers reaching out. Like I had one in Texas actually, who uses my videos and she was using them with her grade seven and eights, which was totally shocking to me. I'd like to see the picture of a group of kids in Texas grade eight watching me with a puppet teaching French. It's wild, but it's super cool and I've used my platform as a way to absolutely teach curriculum based content.

But I've made it fun and I've also made a few videos ensuring that there's inclusivity there, that there's visibility. That they're not just seeing one type of family or one type of skin color, but everybody feels represented. And seeing all my examples I use, cause I video where I'll say a word and then I'll show a picture of someone doing [00:30:00] that thing.

So I make sure that I find lots of different types of examples so that everyone feels seen and represented.

Host: Awesome. And where can people find you on YouTube? 

Steve: Uh, it's very easy. It is Monsieur steve, just type it in. Monsieur Steve in the search engine and I'm the first thing that pops up. 

Host: Awesome. And that's your social media handle as well?

 Yeah. Instagram, TikTok. @MonsieurSteve all the way. 

Awesome. Teachers: if you are teaching French, go out and check it out. I know that all of our students start learning their second languages during secondary school, so middle school, high school. So that's probably where you're seeing the grade seven/ eights watching the video because we don't actually start language education unless you're in an immersive program at an earlier age, so kudos to that teacher in Texas using the resources. 

Steve: Yes. 

Host: I think that's fantastic. I've got one last question for you before we wrap up. Say you were talking with a brand new educator, they are queer, but unsure how to be their authentic [00:31:00] self in the classroom. What advice would you give them on living their best life while at work? .

Steve: Well, first of all, you have to be comfortable. So I would tell them to only share what they're comfortable sharing. There's no reason to be afraid of talking to your kids about your life. If you're professional and smart about it, like you're not going to be divulging things that are inappropriate.

We never, when we're teachers, we know better than that. But sharing a bit about your life, if you're a queer person, is giving a kid in your class who might identify. And doesn't know it quite yet, a chance to be themselves and late in the future, they might come back and go, oh, Mr. So and so. I remember him.

He made me feel comfortable, you know what, it's okay to be gay. It's okay to be trans. Like it's those leaps that we take as educators and sharing a bit of ourself that will truly impact and make a difference in a kid's life down the road. But if you yourself are not comfortable [00:32:00] or you feel afraid or you feel unsafe, then of.

Do not push yourself, but if you know there's no actual reason for you to be afraid to be who you are, then take that leap. Do it because you never know who's going to benefit from him. 

Host: That is a great advice. Thank you so much for your time today, Monsieur Steve. 

Steve: Well, Mr. Bryan, thank you so much for having me here. It was a pleasure.

Host: Awesome. 

Steve: I wish you would bring some of your warmer Texas weather, not your weather up today as I know.

Host: Not today is very freezing here.

Steve: But you know, we need it up here. We have only seen the sun for like 30 minutes in the past, like 30 days. 

Host: My kids want to move into a colder spaces and then they remembered this one week out of the year where we get freezing weather and they're like never.

Steve: Tell them they're always welcome to swap with me , I have no problem. 

Host: You might regret that after 45 days of constant 100-degree weather. [00:33:00] 

Steve: You know what? You don't know me well enough to know about my ideal . As long as there's a body of water nearby, I'm good. 

Host: Fair enough. And thank you all for joining us on this episode of Teaching While Queer.

Outro: Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of Teaching While Queer. If you haven't done so already, please consider subscribing on your favorite RSS feed and sharing the podcast with your friends and family. New episodes will come out every other week during the school year. If you're interested in joining us on the Teaching While Queer Podcast, please email us at teachingwhilequeerpodcast@gmail.com.

Have a great day.